Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
