just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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