Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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