I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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