I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
