That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
