Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize