just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
