Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
