Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
