Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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