I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
