I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
