I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
