Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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