speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
