last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
