I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
