i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
