I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
