If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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