We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I still have a little drunk in my system
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
