I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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