I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
