this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
