come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
