is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
