Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The power of my boobs compel you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
