I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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