You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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