I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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