Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
