Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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