Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
