We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
