So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
