I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
