dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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