Yo dont text me then not text me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
