I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
