My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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