I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
