We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize