my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
