Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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