Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
