I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
