it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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