grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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