I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
