Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize