This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
