oh god the rape fog is back!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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