he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
