just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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