Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
