Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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