so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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