I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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