So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
