There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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