apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
