If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize