a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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