Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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