Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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