420 ftw
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
