So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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