Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
