he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He? As in you personified your dick?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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