you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
