He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
