If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
